Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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