This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There r osticjed everywhere
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
