I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
