I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
