I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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