Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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