I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
