You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
