Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
