Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
