70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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