She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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