yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
