I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
