Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just cropdusted the office
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
