One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
this just has baby written all over it
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
