I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
