my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
