sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
