In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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