I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
