I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
