You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
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