you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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