they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
