Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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