I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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