Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
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