At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
