i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
