yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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