I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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