Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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