Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
