Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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