Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
