i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
