He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
