i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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