mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
