I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If I die, sorry about rent.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
