My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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