if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a dick in a sweater?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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