he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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