She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
