I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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