i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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