I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
