oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
