He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
