Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
