all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
