If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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