A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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