I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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