I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
