no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
