Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
