Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
