We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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