i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
