I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
