So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
