I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
