You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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