Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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