mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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