Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
