Screwed.edu
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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