i think my tv is drunk
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
