Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
