Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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