im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
