How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
