Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
