I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
