She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
