I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
