Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
