New low: just hacked my moms facebook
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
