I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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