I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
