Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
